My crochets remind me of tiny mandalas, which symbolize the wheel of life and death - a constant cycle of change - because the only constant thing we can be sure of is the change. I decided that from these small mandalas I would build an armor, cocoon. Armor, which is supposed to protect me against bad influences, it is like a reflection of a dream-catcher, whose task through transparent fields is to let in what is good and to catch what it does not need. Cocoon symbolizes transformation and also safety; being inside your own shell. It’s about withdrawing from harshness, putting up walls around your tender heart hoping that it will keep you safe. 

 Armor  becomes a trap. Restricts movements. Armor created by our minds/ego which protects sensitive hearts - souls. That's why the armor needs to be dropped - in my performance I am taking of my suit which I build so carefully - I throw it like a snake that would remove old skin. It symbolizes rebirth, resurrection, awakening,  reset - or let go of attachments.  They are all synonyms of the same - death and birth. Chaos and balance they dance with each other - form and formless.  

My work has many levels. I am trying to embrace everything - understand, reflect - or feel the whole and unity with the environment with the universe just - after all, we are it’s mirror and  it is ours. Making my costume to wear, to perform a ritual cleansing dance -  was created for quite a long time. Constant creation. According to Toltec Wisdom, we are all artists. We create every moment, every mood, and in this way we create our whole life - and it depends on us whether we create paradise or hell.

        “Life as you perceive is a reflection of your perceptions and beliefs. It is not real, but rather a dream. To some this may sound negative, but in fact this is positive, because if your life is a dream, and you become aware of the fact that you are a dreamer , then you can consciously create the dream you want to see and live the life you want to live”. Don Miguel Ruiz. 

“The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself” Deepak Chopra

I wanted to design my own ritual of body movement and letting go of patterns. I developed a double - formless authentic self. To be my own healer. Like a shaman. SHAMAN FOLLOWS HER OWN PATH. NOT ONE THAT WAS LAID OUT BY OTHERS… 

I wanted to discover how to work with the mind, soul, body and incarnate to the different states of mind. To be present in the now. To feel more - think less. When you are present in this moment - like in a dance - you break continuity of your story, of past and future, then true intelligence arises, and also - love”. Eckhart Tolle 

       It is a practice when you invite the spirit power of creation into your body through dancing… When using this breathing method you will free your mind, and when your body is dancing, your soul can travel to other worlds, when you can meet your shamanic ancestors, spirit animals , or spirit guides.

This is the time how to be in tune with ourselves. It is not just be at home, but this is an opportunity to come back to our home inside us. To the body to the heart, to spirit. 

I was listening to a podcast of Dr. Shefali. She introduced these concepts to me - form and formless - another synonymous for body - soul, death - life. She told that she always looks at every challenge through form and formless. Both the lenses that we have, so I can understand the form, but I  understand it through the lens of formlessness. For example right now we're in this virus pandemic. Form. We are being attacked on the form level. Our physical is being compromised. We have to have social distancing. All this challenges are  based in form, but really on the formless level nothing has changed. On the formless level , this is eternal impermanence of the transience of life. BARDO. Like “What’s new?”

 On the formless level, the universe is like “what’s new?” The mortal is going crazy because he’s realizing, she is realizing her mortality. On the formless level it’s the greatest desire of every Zen Master, and now we learn this. Everything is an illusion. 

      My performance is about letting go - even of my protection - my armor. Aware of  my double. Dance in chaos and find new order to fall into chaos again and again rise to new order.   Performance includes dance, subconscious movements, walking backwards. 

     This is the beginning of my activities related to this costume. I would like to take part in art festivals and perform with my performance, which would be accompanied by photos of me in the woods as a part of the landscape and nature being a “wild woman”; photos of me and my daughter, photos with a box of my great-grandmother. Where I wanted to depict how  we are sharing a dream, which we want to create for ourselves. I have an influence on a dream of my children. I teach them reactions, patterns of behavior. 

I am learning to be a good messenger. Use words to create a good life. Good words are like white magic, bad words are black magic according to Don Miguel Ruiz from his books about Toltec Wisdom. That is why in the picture I am attaching a white lace to my daughter’s  head. 

 In the picture with an old metal box after tools to the sewing machine which belonged to my great grandmother (she use it to keep money in it). I wanted to show that  we all are artists and we create our  lives, our dream, and it depends from us what dream it is. Beautiful or ugly. Even the dream of the planet.  In the box are now tools which I used to create my suit. This box also will be a part of the exhibition.

I would  make a video or music video using my costume and wonder in it in my life in the world like an alien. I just really would love to work with some music bands. For example Devendra Banhart, Swans, Iva Bitova, Simrit, Linda Perhacs and many more. Or some local alternative bands. Music is inspiring me hugely. This is a project for the future which I am considering to develop. 

In the end I would like to quote Ram Dass who is telling about journey to freedom, to happiness. 

    “You’ve been somebody long enough. You spent the first half of your life becoming somebody. Now you can work on becoming nobody, which is really somebody. For when you become nobody there is no tension, no pretense, no one trying to be anyone or anything. The natural state of the mind shines through unobstructed – and the natural state of the mind is pure love”.

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